Almost Lover
by Commanderskaikru
Summary: Clexa AU. Clarke writes a song about Lexa. Inspired by the song by A Fine Frenzy and the betrayal. Cursive is flashback.


**Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images**

_Clarke is just waking up from the best sleep she's had in a long time. She stretches her body, letting out a tiny moan at the feeling, and rubs her eyes. She turns around to find Lexa already awake and looking at her._

"_Morning princess" Lexa gives her a soft smile._

"_Mm, morning," Clarke answers, eyelids half closed. _

"_What do you want to do today?" Lexa asks while bringing her hand to stroke at Clarke's back. _

"_How about we just stay in bed and don't get dressed?" Clarke answers with a lazy grin, enjoying the feeling of Lexa's fingers across her skin._

"_I think that could be arranged."_

_A few hours later they're sitting on the balcony outside the bedroom. Empty boxes that used to contain Chinese food are spread around them and they're both sipping from a glass of white wine each. They're sitting in silence, just watching the waves hit the shore and the palm trees swaying in the light breeze. _

"_We should buy flowers or something for Anya for letting us borrow this amazing apartment," Clarke says, breaking the silence._

"_Yeah, she's a godsend. This place is truly something."_

"_Can't we just stay here forever?" Clarke asks. It's initially meant as a joke, but they can both sense the sincerity behind the words. They stare at each other for a few seconds before Lexa answers,_

"_Maybe someday."_

**You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick**

Hearing Lexa speak Spanish always made Clarke weak, but whenever she sang in her native language Clarke could barely function properly.

_The first time she hears her sing is when she comes over for a surprise visit. She had been visiting her mother for three weeks and wasn't supposed to be home yet. She lets herself in to Lexa's apartment and immediately hears music coming from the bedroom. Lexa is sitting with her back to the door, strumming on the guitar and the mix of the acoustic chords and Lexa's light, angelic voice makes Clarke's knees weak. She feels like she's intruding on a private moment, but before she's able to walk away Lexa has turned around._

"_Clarke? What are you doing here?" Lexa puts down her guitar and goes to give Clarke a big hug, "I thought you didn't arrive until Friday?"_

"_Yeah, I decided to go home early," Clarke answers, "I didn't know you could sing."_

"_Oh, it's just something I do when I'm alone, just for fun," Lexa looks down and scratches her neck. _

"_Will you play something for me?" Clarke smiles, "in Spanish maybe?"_

_Lexa looks at Clarke for a few seconds before she nods slowly and goes to pick up her guitar again. Like she could ever say no. Clarke sits on the bed and Lexa looks nervously at her. She takes a few breaths and strums a couple practice chords before she starts a solid, steady rhythm. The words start flowing from her mouth and Clarke is already mesmerized. _

_It becomes kind of like a tradition for them. Whenever Clarke has to go away for work or to visit family Lexa plays for her when she comes back. _

**I never wanna see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me**

The memories are hitting Clarke like a tidal wave. The tears are threatening to fall and her throat hurts from fighting them. The grip on her guitar hardens and the strumming gets angrier for a second before she relaxes again.

**Goodbye, my almost lover****  
****Goodbye, my hopeless dream****  
****I'm trying not to think about you****  
****Can't you just let me be?******

**So long, my luckless romance****  
****My back is turned on you****  
****Should've known you'd bring me heartache****  
****Almost lovers always do**

"_Lexa, please don't do this," Clarke begs, the tears in her eyes are so close to falling, but she's trying her hardest to keep them at bay. _

"_I'm sorry Clarke," Lexa says, her own tears threatening to fall._

**We walked along a crowded street****  
****You took my hand and danced with me  
Images**

_They're back in Miami, this time with a group of friends. They're walking through the streets close to the beach. A person is playing the guitar further up the street and as they get closer Lexa starts moving more and more to the music. Jasper, of course, joins in. The guitarist is laughing and starts playing something that's easier to dance to. People are starting to gather around to watch them move clumsily to the music and several of their friends join in. Suddenly Lexa approaches Clarke and reaches for her hands._

"_Dance with me Clarke!" she laughs._

"_I don't dance Lexa," Clarke tries to stop what's happening but it's too late. Lexa has already dragged her into the big circle that has formed around the musician. She reluctantly starts moving slowly, not completely comfortable with all the people watching. Lexa however, is moving around without a care in the world. Their friends are bumping into each other and look ridiculous, but Lexa is graceful and actually looks like she knows what she's doing. She grabs her hand again leads her around in circles._

"_Just follow my lead."_

_Lexa laughs and Clarke is lost. _

**And when you left you kissed my lips****  
****You told me you would never ever forget  
these images, no**

_The lips on hers and the hand in her hair are gone all too soon and she's not ready to open her eyes yet, afraid of what she'll see when she opens them. She does when Lexa starts to speak though, more afraid of what she'll miss if she doesn't._

"_I'll never forget you Clarke. You are so amazing and you deserve all the best things in life. We both know I'm not that. I hope you can forgive me someday," Lexa says before she turns around and walks away. The tears in Clarke's eyes fall and she can't do anything but watch the love of her life walk away. __****_

**Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy****  
****I thought you'd want the same for me**

Her eyes overflowed and the tears are now streaming down Clarke's face. Her voice falters now and then when she can't contain the sobs. She curses herself for writing this song, but it's the only way she knows how to truly deal with things.

****

**Goodbye, my almost lover****  
****Goodbye, my hopeless dream****  
****I'm trying not to think about you****  
****Can't you just let me be?******

**So long, my luckless romance****  
****My back is turned on you****  
****Should've known you'd bring me heartache****  
****Almost lovers always do**

"_So who is this mysterious girl you've been spending so much time with?" Octavia asks while grabbing a few boxes of animal crackers from the shelf in front of her. _

"_Animal crackers? Really? And her name is Lexa," Clarke smiles. _

"_Uhh, yeah. They taste amazing, and are a necessity for game night," Octavia says, making a 'duh' face, "and Lexa sounds totally hot. Why haven't we met her?"_

"_Because I want to make sure she likes me before introducing her to you guys and risk scaring her off. That and I like hanging out with her alone," Clarke shrugs._

"_You just want to make out, you perv. Anyways, I'm glad you finally decided to take some time off from your lesbianism and hang out with us for a change," Octavia says and goes to pay for their groceries. _

_They're all sitting around the table, deep into a game of Monopoly, something they guys protested to because they knew how much the girls love to cheat, but quickly lost the argument. Clarke is currently the richest having developed a bulletproof strategy growing up with the Blake siblings. Jasper is almost bankrupt, seeing as he has a habit of just buying all the properties he lands on. They've all had a few beers, the atmosphere is great and everyone's having fun and are focusing on the game. Except Clarke who keeps texting and smiling at her phone, which does not go unnoticed. _

"_Ok, who is this girl? If she can make THE Clarke Griffin look away from Monopoly then she deserves a medal," Bellamy laughs. _

"_It's probably Lexa," Octavia smirks._

"_Lexa? Is she the one who's kept you away from us the last two weeks?" Bellamy asks._

"_Kept me away? You say that like I haven't gone willingly. And yes, we have been spending a lot of time together lately," Clarke says and blushes slightly. _

"_Details, asshole. What's she like? What have you been doing?" Octavia asks and slaps Clarke's arm._

"_Well, she's incredibly kind and caring. At first she comes off as a little scary, but once you get to know her she so compassionate. She's determined and a little stubborn, but she knows what she wants. She's fiercely loyal, especially to her family. We've just been hanging out, eaten a lot of take-out. She tried cooking for me once but that didn't end well," Clarke grins. _

"_Is that the only thing you've eaten?" _

"_Octavia!" Clarke cries out and tries to slap her but Octavia is too fast and evaded her attack. _

"_Is she hot?" Jasper asks._

"_Extremely."_

"_She sounds nice," he says and they all laugh._

**I cannot go to the ocean****  
****I cannot try the streets at night****  
****I cannot wake up in the morning****  
****Without you on my mind******

**So you're gone and I'm haunted****  
****And I bet you are just fine****  
****Did I make it that easy to walk****  
****Right in and out of my life?**

_Clarke is avoiding all the places Lexa used to take her. Whenever her friends are going to the beach she always comes up with a lame excuse, like having to do laundry, to get out of going. She knows it's stupid and she should get her shit together, but it's just too hard right now. She does go to the beach alone sometimes and tries to get used to it again, and then she cries. She won't tell her friends this though. Especially not Octavia. After Lexa left Octavia was ready to hunt her down and probably go on a killing spree. It took a lot for Clarke to convince her otherwise and tried telling her it was ok. She's sure Octavia just pretended to believe her. She just wishes the sadness would go away and be replaced by anger. It would make everything so much easier. Everything would be ok if she could just hate Lexa. But she can't, and she's pretty sure she never will. At least not as much as Lexa hates Lexa._

_Lexa is standing in line, getting ready to board the plane. She's willing herself not to cry but her eyes are betraying her, and the tears are falling rapidly down her cheeks. It's her turn to get her ticket registered and the woman in front of her looks worried._

"_Miss, are you okay?" she asks._

"_Yeah, it's just allergies," Lexa says and tries for a smile, but isn't really successful. The woman doesn't look convinced but nods and Lexa walks towards the plane. _

_She's finally settled in her seat and decides to try to sleep. _

'_What have I done?' is the last thought on her mind before sleep finally takes over._****

**Goodbye, my almost lover****  
****Goodbye, my hopeless dream****  
****I'm trying not to think about you****  
****Why can't you just let me be?******

**So long, my luckless romance****  
****My back is turned on you****  
****Should've known you'd bring me heartache****  
****Almost lovers always do**

"_You don't have to do this, Lexa. We can work this out," Clarke says, her lip quivering uncontrollably. _

"_We're no good for each other, Clarke. You know that." _

_Clarke does know that. That doesn't mean she wants it to be any less true. Their relationship has been a bumpy ride, but Clarke isn't ready to give up. _

"_Please. We can talk about this," Clarke tries._

"_What's there to talk about, Clarke? This will not end well. You know that, and I know that," Lexa sighs, "I am truly grateful for all the good times, but this isn't healthy."_

_Clarke knows that too. She knows it's not healthy, she knew that every time she cried herself to sleep. Their good times were beyond amazing and she loved every moment of them, but their bad times were… bad. They fought __**a lot.**__ Their temper was too much. Most of their time together consisted of intense screaming contests, to the point where they were throwing things around. One time the majority of Lexa's plates ended up on the street beneath her kitchen window. Then Clarke's bag followed them. Both of them had lost track of the number of items that had to be replaced during their relationship. _

_They have yet to turn to violence against each other, but Lexa isn't going to wait for that. She has to leave before they get in to deep. She also fears that that has already happened. _

"_You know I have to go, Clarke. It's either that or we will tear each other apart, and I care about you too much to let that happen." There is a slight quiver in Lexa's voice. If she had been talking to anyone else they probably wouldn't have noticed, but Clarke does, and it makes everything even harder. She starts to nod slowly and takes several deep breaths. She doesn't want to, but she gets ready to say goodbye. _

"_Maybe we'll be ready in another life," Lexa smiles bitterly. _

"_Yeah, maybe," Clarke whispers. _

"_Take care of yourself, Clarke Griffin," Lexa sighs, "may we meet again."_****


End file.
